Hello and Welcome
Have you ever asked yourself:
Will my life ever be back to normal again?
Will my life ever be better than it is right now?
You may know me already. But if you don’t know me and just scrolling through, here’s my story. I promise you ,if you read till the end you will see what makes me so passionate about encouraging you to believe that life transformation is possible. Irrespective of what is going on in your life right now.
Right now my life looks like this.
I am happily married to a wonderful man and I am the mum of 1 resilient, funny, teenager and 1 beautiful baby to be born in April 2019.
I am a certified Coach, certified NLP practitioner and certified speaker.
I am a Qualified Early Years Practitioner, Qualified Leadership and Management Professional for Early Years and 0-18 Years In Health and Social Care.
I am qualified in Counselling skills and Counselling Studies. I have my own brand Focus on the focus®.
I speak 3 languages: English, Romanian and Italian.
I conduct and create transformational workshops to evoke and empower people to focus on what they really want in their lives and take courageous action to achieve the life they are dreaming of.
To transform and re-invent their lives, give themselves permission to be great and achieve their highest potential.
Mindset beliefs are being explored in order to reveal what is holding them back, the story they are telling themselves that prevents them to achieve their goals.
Through the (confidential) coaching sessions, we will focus on taking you from that vulnerable place to a place of triumph, to gain confidence and achieve more than right now you might see or think possible. We will bring out the value and power from within you (that you might not even know you have), so that you can get your life under control with mastery, express yourself and your uniqueness freely, to give the important meaning, purpose, and design to your life that you wish it to have.
But I Wasn’t always this confident, re-invented, empowering a person, evoking triumph for my self and others. My story hasn’t always been like this.
This rosy life, this wonderful !
And in fact it was just few years ago that I was asking myself exactly the same question :
”Will my life ever be “normal” or better, again !
But why ?
Because I haven’t always been happy, I haven’t always belonged in a happy family or always have had a happy marriage.
In Fact Far From It!
I was born into a reasonably wealthy but disfunctional family in Romania. Believe it or not, we were the first family to have a black and white TV in the whole village ! (Yes ,it was a long time ago !)
My parents divorced when I was 7 and whilst some of my siblings grew at home, I (together with 1 of my sisters) ended up spending most of my life in a boarding school. (You might be wondering If I was the trouble child or the unwanted one. And don’t worry if you just did, so did I for many years of my life!)
Often I cried myself to sleep wondering what did I do wrong, what have I done to deserve such a hard life and why did this have to happen to me !
Have you ever been in that place of asking: ”Why did this happen to me?”
Although boarding school wasn’t that bad in itself, I had some great times too and it thought me a great deal about resilience. However, my biggest pain was that of feeling betrayed by my parents. I felt abandoned. And I felt like a victim with no say into the matter or a choice for my life.
And I spent many years of my life looking through these “lenses”, a sense of feeling abandoned with very little support, apart from the support from my older sister (and my other sister ) who has and continues to support me up to this day.
But back then as a little child, I felt hurt and sorry for myself and I concluded in my own head that I was not important enough or loveable, I mean otherwise why would my parents do what they did?
That’s the story I told myself for many years.
Due to those beliefs, I also made a few wrong choices along the way, from which I have learned a great deal.
Like marrying a man who could not offer me the love and security I longed to have, because he himself, just like me, had to learn how to love himself in the first place.
I had to work through my own childhood pain and beliefs, understand what it means to love and accept myself before I commit to offering that love to someone else. Ultimately our marriage failed. But now, even that helps me really relate and understand others who face the same difficulties in their life.
Soon after the divorce, I started studying counseling skills in the hope of helping others, who suffered in a similar way, not realizing that the course was going to be the biggest eye opener I needed for myself. I eventually realized that my focus and how I see myself will make me or break me and that I still had some things to work through, although by this point I had progressed massively in my life. I had a choice to make and I had to let go of the past and work through what was left of my pain and unforgiveness If I was to move forward positively and transformed.
I realized that what I focus on and how I choose to face life is what will determine my present, my future and, my reality and how happy or fulfilled I will feel.
Going back in time to my dissolved marriage , I did have a beautiful gift out of it . The most wonderful gift from that marriage was a little boy, my son ( who now is a teenager), who often was the only reason for me to stay alive, when life became so overwhelming and I was asking myself : ”What is the point of this life ,what is the point of living ?”
I couldn’t do to him what my parents did to me. I couldn’t do anything stupid, because his life meant more to me than even my own life. He was the reason I battled through the ups and downs of single parenting, trained myself how to love my child fully and trained even further into how to understand other children, their development and support them to become healthy individuals. It’s also why I am sharing this knowledge with other parents too. Something I was never thought by my parents, how to love! They never shown me what it meant.
But I wanted to be the best parent I could be for my son because he was and is my treasure. I knew I can choose to be my own person and not follow into my parents footsteps. In all honesty it wasn’t even that much what they did, rather it was what they didn’t do, that affected me. “And as we know in the absence of flowers being planted, weeds will grow”. Because our minds and lives are constantly filled with something. It’s up to us what we choose to fill our minds with. I knew I can choose for myself how to create the life I wish to have ! And so can you ! Sure it will take some hard work and vulnerability but if you want it bad enough and believe you can do it, you will get there !
Since I was 19, I have had this strong desire and determination to help others, who like me experienced a weak beginning in life. I suppose I wished to offer others the support that I didn’t have myself, so many times and make a difference to their lives. So I dreamt of working and qualifying as an Early Years Practitioner so that I can work with little children. And despite not having parents to support me either financially, emotionally or physically, I did follow my dreams and fulfilled that desire in my heart ,eventually ! It was extremely hard work but I did it and I was proud of my achievement.
God was always available for guidance and help, if I sought for it and I did (admittedly) search for it often and received revelation.
I have surpassed my dreams when I studied and qualified In Leadership and Management in Early Years and in 0-18 years Health and Social Care and worked in a deputy manager role for 7 years.
But little did I know that life had yet another surprise for me!
Whilst working as a deputy, I suddenly became ill, a chronic illness that developed and 1 complication led to another.
Between doctors appointments, hospital tests/scans and being knocked out by medicine to try to deal with the pain, my life was a living nightmare, better said I had no life.
Soon enough I was on sick leave for several months. I had no sense of purpose anymore and I felt I lost my identity. I lost the sense of what I was physically able to do to carry on a normal life.
I also feared that the man whom I loved, who was then my fiancé, might not commit to our relationship because we didn’t know how, when or if this illness would come to an end.
That was excruciatingly difficult, it was like dying to myself and the person I knew I used to be. But I decided regarding my fiancé that if he loved me enough he will be faithful and stay, otherwise, I was more than glad for him to go.
Because by now I had learned my value and I decided that life is far too precious to have to share it with someone who didn’t love me through my ups and downs, the good and the ugly, just like I was committed to love him.
Have you ever been in a place where you felt you lost control of your life and you don’t know what is going to happen to you?
Have you ever wondered: Will I ever be back to normal again?
To my surprise, I did get back to “normal” again, if we can call it that. But not the same “normal” as before, but an elevated version of myself that is now transformed, re-invented and encouraging others to transform their lives too. And my then fiancé proved that he loved me and was in it for the journey. We did get married and he is indeed the man who loves me and supports me completely. He is not just my husband but also my friend and soulmate. (And trust me, I know the difference.)
Truth is that illness was the “blessing in disguise” that I needed. No matter how harsh it sounds or how painful, confusing and heart-breaking it actually was to go through it.
The truth is, sometimes when we are not willing to let go, life has a way of making us do it and we do not have any control over it.
That period of my life, brought me so far back into the pit of darkness, fearing for my life and seeing what I left unfulfilled that far, that once I came out of that pit, I no longer longed for people’s approval to do what I knew I had to do all along.
I no longer wanted to play it safe, because I knew anything worth having is worth investing in and life is too short and unpredictable to be pleasing everyone else. As opposed to living this life with regrets.
This sickness also provided the space for my transformation. It made me understand how precious life is. It made me realize that if I was to die, I would have left this planet feeling like I haven’t used all the talents and life experiences I learned, to support other human beings on their quest to transformation for a better life. And that saddened me extremely. I wept. Because I knew I was called to greater things. And I have a God-given purpose.
That illness made me really re-evaluate my whole life. It made me realize that I was stuck (because I kept delaying letting go) in a job that I initially loved for years, but for which the season has passed. This was preventing me to spread my wings and fulfill my higher potential and make a difference not just to children but to adults who need to know transformation, restoration, and a better life is possible.
In less than 1 year, I had given my notice in and left the deputy job having decided to start my own business as a life coach.
Do you know that understanding the shifts in the seasons of our lives is crucial to your growth and stepping into your destiny?
And that’s what brought me to take risks in life. It was the thing that caused me to invest thousands of pounds in my mindset transformation, in coaching qualification and NLP training and certification, in training and growing to understand life to a higher level, to do public speaking. That’s what made me start my own business to help people transform their lives.
So I created a strategy Focus on the focus ® so that along with my life experiences and qualifications, learning and training, not only did I self-developed, but I pull other people on the “mountain” with me to enjoy the beauty of living a transformed life themselves .
And that’s how I get to live a happy transformed life now, because I have healed and let go of the pain from the past. By changing my perspective. By making positive choices .By being willing to accept help. By training ,learning and growing in knowledge and understanding. By choosing to work on myself. By choosing not to be bitter because God or life has allowed that to happen to me.
By understanding that I have a choice to focus on my problem or to focus on the solution. By applying neuroplasticity to create new beliefs, patterns and habits that lead me to experience a fulfilled life.
And so can you. I am here to help. If you feel can’t do it by yourself or can’t do it fast enough and need help I am right here for you.
The question is will you let yourself be consumed by anger, disappointment, and pain ?
Or will you decide to take little steps to transform your life no matter how uncomfortable you might feel at first?
What is the step you are going to take first?
I believe in you!
I believe transformation is your choice and I also believe that you can do it if you put your mind to it. One key ingredient in this is for you to want to!
I did it, transformed my life and carry on going from strength to strength! I am no more special than you are! If I could do it, you can too.
I believe you can have more than a “normal” life. You can re-invent yourself and have the life of your dreams! Anything is possible!
So choose today what are you going to focus on: the problem or the solution ?!
I believe in you to make the right choice and decision for your life!
Feel free to get in touch if you believe I can assist you in your transformation.
Focus on the focus!
Bella Elena Armstrong
Get monthly updates and free resources.